i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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