I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
