Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
