yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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