Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
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You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
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