My friends, they love my intelligence
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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