he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
