were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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