When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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