So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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