oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
