I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
