How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
