do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
