is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
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please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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