What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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