my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
