I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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