so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
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This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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