Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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