I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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