For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
