It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
