but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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