did you get engaged???
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
