PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
