there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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