do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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