As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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