pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize