Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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