I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
