dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is it penis luge time yet?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
