Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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