I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
