I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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