it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
