just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
