mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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