I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
