is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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