I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize