at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
