Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
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i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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