I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
