I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice