JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.