Have you finally orgasmed yet?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
