drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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