So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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