just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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