Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize