i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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