im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
