i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
