Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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