last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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