After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize