she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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