it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I understand Curling. That high.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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