The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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