So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize