STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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