someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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