I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
