hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
