I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
