she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
