just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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