people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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